Top 9 Failed Attempts at Producing a Top 10 List for Dairy River 2007 Winter Edition

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–John Crouch

9. Patrick Swayze, You, And Roadhouse: A Top 10

This was only a decent title. Busch league, Crouch.

8. Top 10 Moments In Billy Ocean’s Love Zone

I started off strong but could not finish Billy Ocean’s Love Zone. (The grandfather-in-the-shower backing vocals on “When the Going Gets Tough” probably would have been #1.)

7. Top 10 Business Names Spotted In 2006

Boats ‘N Such was a shoo-in, but the list lacked clearly defined criteria.

6. This List

Hilarity!

5. Chirton Farvie’s Best Dressed Of 1994

This had potential, but Chirton Farvie doesn’t really do anything outside of modeling.

4. Top 10 Intersections In Florida Containing More Than One Subway Restaurant

List contains only one item, “That one in the town between Tampa and Miami.” I forgot to note exactly where I saw it. It had four Subways.

3. This List With #6 as #1

Letterman is not funny. Neither is this comment. Srsly guyz.

2. Top 10 Albums of 2006 Stratified By How Amazing The X-Men Character They Best Represent Is

Night Crawler ended up being #1, but he is pretty sucky if you think about it.

1. Top 10 Thoughts Had While Reading Christmas Cards Mailed To My Parents

While compiling the list I wrote on a note card, “I will beat up your daughter,” and immediately realized how dumb the idea was. I left the card on the kitchen table by mistake.